I’ve probably wanted to die more, but not in a long while. Everyone is asking me how I’m doing lately because clearly I want to ring their necks and mine as well, but my only answer is fine. I’m always fine. Even to my boyfriend it’s, yeah I’m fine because trying to explain anything is too much for me. Trying to tell my dad how to make popcorn is too much. Saying good morning is too much. When will everything stop being too much?

I see that bright light in the future where my boyfriend and I have a farm far from everyone, but getting through right now and the following years is something I’m not capable of. I’m not strong enough.

Remember when I posted multiple times a day about dumb stuff like: I want to kill myself. I’m still there but I’m 20 now. RIP. I want to be alive now which is better than before but I’m still not even close to happy

Lmao just realise I’ve been on this fucking website for at least 5 years and it’s fucking ridiculous. I only come here when my very stupid side gets too depressed again

Working 65 hours in 8 days without a day off may be the normal for some very hard working hard individuals, but for me it was hell so I took a “sick day” to get drunk and lay on the couch. I salute people that work more than me. I’m not cut out for that hell. Next up: 40+ hours at a very active job until my next day off. Guess I should focus on my remaining day off though